Dave Wise and myself with Dixon the doggy in Dallas Texas.
Left Israel for Dallas Texas
I think the last post written at Ben Gureon Airport concerning my just completed trip to Israel was a little bit on the depressing side. Even though I want to share a little bit of my struggle, I don’t want people to slash their wrists. Although I still feel a sense of hopelessness in my lonely messianic vigil and exile, there are other more positive currents coursing through my heart. I may not be making progress in having a companion but I may be making progress in knowing the Messiah and experiencing the Father’s leading through the wilderness of this world. During my holiday I have seen the Lord’s guiding hand and provision. So, to be balanced, I think that it is only fare that since I may have pushed a few people to jump off a bridge with me in my previous post, I owe it to them to encourage their hearts also, God has been with me. You see I do sense God’s guiding, shepherding, providential hand in my journey, and this is positive and uplifting to my soul. And because the hand of providence has helped me to stand and reach the main goal of my current trip by providing the guest house in Karnei Shomron and the opportunity to live amongst the Israeli settlers; And because I have seen the Fathers specific guidance in many small details of my travels there; And because the Lord has now opened for me a place to stay in Texas with an abundant heart felt welcome, I see afresh the adventure of being led by God. And because of this I want to press into God and seek what is possible. There are many things we can’t change, but there are still many things we can change.
Sometimes it’s nice to have encouragement along the way. We sense that we are being watched from above, that we are not orphans but pilgrims, that we are not flotsam and jetsam in a cold impersonal sea, instead we find that indeed we are sons of the living God. What an encouragement You have been to my soul Father. And because of Your provision and kindness Father, the least I can do is to worship you and give you thanks and publish your mighty deeds and proclaim your greatness and magnify your holy name.
So although I seem to be at some sort of impasse in some of the deepest desires of my heart regarding home and hearth, I want to now focus on the fresh revelation to my soul of the Lord’s abundant provision and sovereign guidance.ย This was witnessed in Israel and now again in the USA by providing me a place to stay in Texas with brothers and sisters whose hearts the Lord has touched to show me kindness. I want to focus on my loving Heavenly Father, whose thoughts are not our thoughts, and although there are times when we don’t understand what he is doing, He nevertheless sustains us. I sense my unworthiness and His love despite my sins. And the sense of His kindness and provision draws my heart towards Him. He who loves us now is the very one who loved us before we loved Him. I thus owe a debt of love forever. And this is a debt I am glad to have.
Help me Father to walk in connection with You. I need your presence in my life. Leed me on to victory my great Jehovah. Oh God that I would trust in you, while hunkered down in the trench, despite not receiving exactly what I want, let me soldier on until we break through to higher ground. Because I know that despite all my sense of loss, You Father, are the source of all goodness, all hope, all love and all that is right and righteous. You Lord are my righteousness and to You I desire to be attached. Like Levi, You are my portion oh High Father. You Lord are my life. Lead me in a way that will finally unite my heart to Thine. Unite my heart to Thine in a pure faith and ardent love, with complete devotion. You are worthy of all honour. I want to know You in my heart and in the daily battles of the heart. Oh Lord that I would know your love. I choose you because I need to be connected to You. There is freedom in being connected to the source.
The name Levi means ‘to attach’, ‘to connect’, ‘to join’. And that is what I want. My heart is touched afresh to see the kindness of the Lord at a time when I really appreciated and in some ways least deserved it. I want to experience the Father in my heart life. I want to see things through a heart filled with faith and expectancy. Our hearts can so easily be discouraged and it is a constant battle to stay true to him because the world, the flesh and the Devil, drag our hearts down. Please teach me of your grace a new. There are so many things I cannot have. Teach me Father to persevere in prayer for what I can have. I want more than your Torch and revelations of truth. I want to know you, I want revelations of the heart. I want to know you heart to heart. I want to know you as David knew you. I want a heart transplant in the sense that I want my heart to be so intwined with Thine that my heart beats with Thine. Oh God, be Thou my Vision Oh Lord of my heart, be nought else to me save that though art.
Oh Lord I have had a little taste of the joy of walking with you. I get so stuck in the rut of the godless apathetic indifference in Australia that I have forgotten the joy of victory and progress. Oh God if only I was free to follow where you are at work. I want to let go of this world and take hold of you. I don’t know what plans you have for sleepy Australia, but I want to experience the life of Messiah in the land of the living. Lead me out of captivity and the soul destroying battle of attrition in the Great South Land of the Holy Slumber, Australia. I feel I have been in the trench so long that I have forgotten the thrill of an army advancing. Many Christian or Messianic people in Melbourne and elsewhere in Australia that I know personally are finding things tough. We are in a spiritual battle and the saints are being worn down (‘DownUnder’) and worn out through the slow battle of attrition at the ends of the earth. Oh God that there would be a growing cry from the depths of the super being which is the the body of Messiah in Australia and around the world. That we would touch the face of God in the darkness of the well of Joseph in the heart of Pharaoh’s spiritual vice.ย I see your people screwed down so tight in Australia. A spiritual bomb needs to go off there. Meanwhile what should I do? I need work and yet I need to focus on the unseen. Father let me feel your beating heart in every situation. Let me tune myself to Thy violin, I am tired of playing my own. Lift me out of myself by being vital in my heart and not pressed down in my circumstances. If I must indeed return to Australia then put me I need to work now and situations that will cause me to experience your victory over the world, the flesh and the Devil. Let me see you work in my life and cause me to experience victory, even in the heart of darkness, Melbourne. Oh Lord, I long to experience the victory that David walked in. That you would give me the Key of David and a heart on fire with true devotion, becoming more intense as the battle rages. Victory, victory, victory and only victory. Micah mokah, b’eliim Adonai. Who is like Thee among the Gods. There is none else. The horse and the rider are thrown into the sea.
If I could put into words what it is that I desire spiritually, what it is that I am lacking experientially, it would be ‘Victory’! Like the gladiators in the Colosseum, I can only cry, ‘give me Victory or give me death. Faith, hope, loveย and the glory of victory. Oh God give me the taste of victory, of battles hard fought, but won. Let me taste the glory of triumph. Let me advance upon the Lord of darkness, even as he would creep up upon me.ย Let me walk as one who is risen and reigning with Messiah above, even if locked in ongoing struggle below. Let me live the Psalms. Give me victory or give me death! I need you to lead me Father. I have already seen You going before me. Lead me, Lead me, Lead me. Victory, only victory, onwards, forwards, on and on and on. If this prayer pleases you then lead me into the wars of the Lord and let me overcome Satan’s world and forget my own heart’s loss. Give me something to get my teeth into. King Davids power was in His believing heart filled with ardent affection and great desire. Only such devotion and closeness will help me overcome the coldness and deadness and slumber present in Australia. Only lead me Father.
“Great Southern Land
Ice House
You walk alone like a primitive man…
…standing at the limit of an endless ocean,
I had to find You.”
I want closeness to you Father, above all else. Give me manly battles and form within me a manly heart that trusts in You with childlike faith. I think a close daily prayer life is a big part of the victory that I seek. I believe that if I ask You then you will lead me. So much of my trip has been made possible only through prayer. My car, my work, my trip to Israel and the States, it’s all the result of prayer after spending years in the ‘back of beyond’ studying Hebrew, Torah etc. The mysteries of the Torah are fascinating but only You can satisfy. You are the greatest mystery Father. Lead me, lead me, lead me, to victory or death. Lead me to where you are at work. Help me to break out of my foxhole, to higher ground. Victory, only victory for ever and ever, world without end. To God be the glory, hallelujah, Amen and Amen!
